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Rain

Almost Love

There is a feeling that cannot be named, only described. May you never experience it.

It is equal parts melancholy and grief with a hint of desperation thrown in for good measure.

I call it almost love, and it is as painful as it sounds.

It lurks in the shadows, waiting until you are on the verge of complete happiness, utter incandescent euphoria for the first time in your life.

You know you could so easily fall in love with him. His soul seems to speak your language.

But then something happens to stand in the way, like it always does.

Almost love is dashed potential. It is a weariness you feel to your very bones.

It would be easier to accept that happiness will remain always outside your reach if the cruel moments of hope didn’t slash your heart open like a knife, leaving you exposed to pillage and plague.

What causes this feeling?

Sometimes it’s his words after you’ve expressed caution, hesitating before lowering the defenses around your heart.

“I didn’t like you that much anyway.”

“I was just kidding around the other night; you know that, right?”

Sometimes it’s the disruptive turbulence of life.

He’s moving to Alaska.

He’s a vagabond just passing through.

You don’t know him well enough to follow, but you wish you did.

You do what you always do. Pick up the pieces and fortify the wall around your heart. 

I think the only thing that can heal the scars left behind by almost love is love.

And there I go again, putting my hope in love.

I guess my heart isn’t as protected as I thought.

I think I’ll appreciate that someday.

 

 

 

ehb
a warrior in love

Share my heart with the wild

I need room to grow

Woods and cliffs to explore

Rivers to drown out my thoughts

I’ll spend time getting to know each rock, cave, tree

Visiting with them like old friends

You’ll pick twigs from my hair

At the end of each day

Pull slivers from my bare feet

Before sending me back out again

Bring me wildflowers

Share my heart with the wild

For it was my first love

But you are my last

Be my oak tree

Slow and steady

I’ll be your songbird

Know I’ll always return

 

 

ehb

100 Things I Like

Here are 100 things I like, in no particular order:

  1. White roses
  2. Pastries
  3. People watching
  4. Lists
  5. Sarcasm
  6. Education
  7. Innovation
  8. Memes
  9. New journals
  10. Old books
  11. Technology
  12. Libraries
  13. Ankle boots
  14. Sunglasses
  15. Garage sales
  16. Homemade wrapping paper
  17. Homemade cookies
  18. Basically anything homemade
  19. Sketching
  20. Drawing
  21. Painting
  22. Running water
  23. Trees
  24. Sunshine
  25. Polaroid cameras
  26. Words
  27. Sundays
  28. Mornings
  29. Mountains
  30. Sunsets
  31. Alternative Indie rock folk music
  32. Picnics
  33. Sandwiches
  34. Jeeps
  35. Burritos
  36. Waffles
  37. Chocolate peanut butter ice cream in a sugar cone
  38. Long islands
  39. Shelves
  40. Old houses
  41. Lemonade
  42. Grill outs
  43. Birthday parties
  44. Cake
  45. Organized closets
  46. Framed pictures and posters
  47. Canvas paintings
  48. Thrift shopping
  49. Typewriters
  50. Record players
  51. Textiles
  52. Blankets
  53. Camping
  54. Swimming
  55. Dreaming
  56. Canoeing
  57. Hiking
  58. Waterfalls
  59. Road trips
  60. Exploring cities
  61. Museums
  62. Movie nights
  63. Popcorn
  64. Big rocks
  65. Ferns
  66. Willow trees
  67. Bluffs
  68. Irony
  69. Bad jokes
  70. Succulents
  71. Margaritas
  72. Pottery
  73. Poetry
  74. Live music
  75. Gatherings
  76. Watching football
  77. Hanging plants
  78. Decorating
  79. Organizing
  80. Creating
  81. Dancing
  82. Writing
  83. Campfires
  84. Puppies
  85. Babies
  86. Fiddle
  87. Harmonica
  88. Banjo
  89. Worship
  90. Sad movies/books
  91. History lessons
  92. Traditions
  93. Christmas
  94. Autumn
  95. Teasing
  96. Wildflowers
  97. Icicles
  98. Laughter
  99. Trivia
  100. Memories